


Him

by nessbess



Category: Merlin (TV), The Song of Achilles - Madeline Miller
Genre: Gen, M/M, Reincarnation AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-07
Updated: 2015-09-07
Packaged: 2018-04-19 16:06:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4752491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nessbess/pseuds/nessbess
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once, you had said that you would always know him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Him

The first time you see him, you're filled with a strong dislike, as well as a curious sense of relief. He's perfect - all golden hair and sunshine, the most beautiful boy you've ever seen - and he moves with a grace that you've never seen before, except that you can't shake the lingering sense of familiarity. He throws back his head and laughs with a lighthearted confidence that makes him shine all the brighter, standing separate from his comrades and basking in their adoring gazes. He's an ass, and your dislike grows.

"That's enough. You've had your fun, my friend," you say. His gaze snaps to you and sends a strange thrill through you. You don't know where your sudden confidence has come from, but there's something akin to recognition in his gaze.

"Do I know you?" he says, and his voice is a velveteen purr with an almost feral edge that sends shivers down your spine. Idly, you think that his voice would be better suited to song than to mere words.

"No," you say because it's true.

 

 

The next time you see him, you've just killed for the first time. Or maybe it wasn't the first. It doesn't feel like the first, but it must be. You feel sick, and also a little bit resigned. You feel like a destiny is awakening within you and that killing is something that you will have to do time and time again. For him.

You meet his eyes, feeling off-balance, and find him staring at you, his blue eyes - had they always been blue? - alight with surprise and wonder.

When the king names you to be his manservant, you think his protests are half-hearted and his eyes keep flicking to your lips. You think that maybe you don't dislike him after all.

 

 

You watch as he trains, his Pendragon-red shirt soaked with sweat and sticking to the flat muscles of his stomach as he swings and lunges at imaginary foes, moving with the fluid grace of a deer and all the power of a bear. You watch as he becomes the best fighter in Camelot, perhaps even all of Albion. He is untouchable, shining like burnished gold in the reddish glow of the late evening sun, and you feel something like pride swelling deep within your chest.

Something like love.

 

 

It scares you sometimes, how you would do anything for him. How you would kill for him without a moment's hesitation, even though causing others harm always makes you feel weak and shaky with nausea. You'd rather heal then wound. And even though healing doesn't come easily to you, some days it feels like a disused muscle that only needs to be stretched before its full range is restored.

He always chuckles when he finds you, pale and clammy, after being on a battlefield. He calls you a girl and a petticoat and any other insult he thinks is creative, but his words and laughs fall flat as he rubs your back and strokes your hair with large, warm hands.

Sometimes, you see his eyes on you and you think it scares him, too, how far he would go to protect you.

 

 

It hits you one day, as you watch him walk off of the battlefield, his hair in his eyes and his laugh exuberant, covered in the blood of others but not a scratch on him as he tosses you a triumphant grin.

Of course, you think. _Of course._ Arthur Pendragon, your fiery and beloved Achilles Peleides. Once and Future, the dragon had said, and the present must always have its past. You can't believe you didn't see it before. Once, you had said that you would always know him. You could recognize him by touch alone, by smell, by the way he breathed and moved. You would recognize him at the very end of the world. You can't believe it has taken this long.

He smiles at you, his blue eyes - _blue, now. They used to be green. Still familiar, still beloved, still_ him - filled with a tender warmth. Your heart _aches_ and you wonder if he knows it's you. You wonder if one day he'll fall into your arms as if he has always meant to be there - _he has_ \- and if the name that falls from his lips won't be " _Merlin_ ", but " _Patroclus_ ".

**Author's Note:**

> I could have made this into a longer fic I suppose, but I'm a pleb.


End file.
